


Like Crazy

by Pastel_Teacups



Category: Like Crazy - Fandom, Star Trek
Genre: M/M, McChekov, based off of Like Crazy, modern!AU, slight Cherrison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 22:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Teacups/pseuds/Pastel_Teacups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pavel and Leonard are in love, but they face so many challenges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_This is a bad idea,_ Pavel thought as he walked through the parking lot, looking around for the car he was in search of. He bit his lip lightly and lifted the windshield wiper, gently slipping the two sheets of folded paper under it. He took a deep breath and turned and started walking, before turning around _again_ and snatching the thing away, wondering just what the hell was wrong with him. Then, before he could change his mind again, he turned and stalked off, feeling like the note to Leonard McCoy was a _very_ bad idea.   
\--  
Leonard smiled lightly as his eyes roamed over the note, taking in every word the boy’d written in his scrawled but somehow still neat penmanship, he flipped the first paper over, only to reveal a poem. He read over it, his lips silently mouthing the words as he soaked them in. Then, he read the bottom, and laughed softly. 

_P.S. Please don’t think I’m a nutcase!_   
\--  
Pavel slipped into his dorm, talking in rapid Russian into his phone, briefly waving at his roommate before walking into his room, shaking his head at the crazy woman on the phone. 

“No, it was fine,” He said in his Mother tongue. “Mother, mother, I have to go, there’s somebody else on the line. Okay. Okay, bye.” 

Pavel glanced down at the unrecognizable number, his stomach doing some strange thing at the prospect of it maybe being _him._ He picked up the phone, putting it to his ear. 

“Da? Ah, I mean, hello?” 

“Hey, it’s Leonard.” 

Pavel’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Hi,” He said, trying not to sound stiff as he sat back on his heels.   
\--  
Pavel smiled gently, toying with the handle of his teacup and looking away. 

“It didn’t freak you out.” Pavel said, not quite a question. 

Leonard shook his head, and the boy across from him blushes. “I guess you vouldn’t be here if it had.” He’d said, his Russian accent twisting the letters. 

“No, it was nice. And it was funny. It was kind of great.” He said, smiling sheepishly (what the hell was he, a sixteen year old boy?), before he continued. 

“I don’t think you’re a nutcase, by the way. Not at all.” 

Pavel smiled just as sheepishly. “I zought I’d better put that there, just in case.” 

“It was a good disclaimer.” He said, shifting his tea bag around in his cup and smiling. 

“Yes, I just vanted to set that out. No nutcases here.” 

“Yeah.” Leonard agreed, laughing gently. He took a sip of his tea, and shook his head. “These cups are huge. They’re like damned reservoirs.” 

“Zey’re alvays bigger zan my face.” Pavel agreed, moving to take a sip of his tea. He couldn’t stop laughing, though, so he put it back down. 

“So, vhat do you-vhat’s your major in?” Pavel asks, looking up at the man. 

“Oh, furniture design.” Leonard replied, nodding slightly. 

Pavel nods, realization crossing over him. “Zat’s vhy you’re alvays drawing.” He inferred. 

“Yeah,” Leonard said, looking down. “D’you like to write, then?” He’d asked, sipping his tea. 

“Oh, yes. I mean, journalism is probably vhat I vould vant to...go into, I suppose, vhen I graduate.

“I don’t know. Who knows vhat ve’ll do when we leave?” Pavel said, looking down at his untouched tea. 

“You mean permanently? Like when we die? We’ll be dead, darlin.’”

Pavel laughed, and so did Leonard.   
\--  
“So are you gonna stay here, after school?” 

“Oh, yes. I’d like to, if I can sort out my wisa zings.” He said as they walked, side by side, not quite touching. “So, you grew up vith your mom and dad?” 

Leonard nodded lightly. “Just my mom.” 

“Vhat about your dad?” Pavel asked, glancing up at him. 

“Oh, he, uh, he passed away when I was ten.” 

Pavel looked down. “Vell, zat’s shitty.” The teen says, wringing his hands together. 

“Yeah. Quite shitty, I’ll tell you that.” Leonard agrees, staring straight ahead. “And, what about you, darlin?’” He asks, and Pavel blushes at the name. 

“Oh, yes, my parents, I’m wery close to zem. It’s only ewer been, I mean, I’m an only child, so,” 

“Me too.” Leonard says, glancing down at him. 

“But it’s nice being avay. I zinkg it’s important to get avay from it. Vhere you’ve grown up. For some of your life.” Pavel added, his sentences choppy and unsure. 

It’s silent, before Leonard smiles. “I was thinkin’ about leaving right now, actually.”

Pavel laughs. “Let’s go. Where do you wanna go?”   
\--  
Pavel stops in the door of his dorm, turning. “Uh, do you...vant to come up?” 

Leonard simply smiled.   
\--  
“He likes to go to bed early, so, so try not to make too much noise.” The teen said, walking into his room. Leonard wasn’t far behind, looking around at the room. 

“Uhm, vould you like a drink?” He asked, shedding his coat. “I only have wodka.” 

Leonard smiled down at him like he held the stars in his hands, before nodding. “Yeah.” 

Pavel bit his lip when in concentration while he poured the drink, one into a glass and another into a mug, his only other beverage-holding piece of glass in his room. 

“Cheers,” Leonard had said softly, their glasses clinking minutely under their hands. 

They drink, and Leonard can’t hide his cringe. Pavel giggled. “It’s strong.” He says, nodding slightly.   
\--  
“Is that the chair you write in?” Leonard asked, nodding towards the only chair in the room. It’s stylish, he guessed. 

“Yes.” Pavel answered, sitting on his bed. 

Leonard walked over and sat down on it, taking it in. “It’s not very comfortable.” 

Pavel laughs softly. “It does the job.”   
\--  
They were sitting on Pavel’s bed, The kid leaning against the headboard while Leonard sat Indian style, watching him. 

“Would you mind reading me something?” Leonard asked, his eyes never leaving the boy’s. 

“What do you want me to read?” Pavel asked, looking down. 

“Somethin’ you wrote.” 

“Alright,” Pavel said after a moment, leaning over to pick up one of his many journals. “You’re not allowed to laugh.”

“I’m not gonna laugh,” Leonard said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“I hawen’t read it out loud yet,” Pavel mumbled self-consciously, biting his lip. “So you’ll be the first person. You’re sure you vant to hear it?” 

Leonard nodded, and gave an affirmative hum. 

“I thought I understood it  
That I could grasp it  
But I didn’t  
Not really  
I knew the smudgeness of it  
The pink-slippered-all-containered-semi-precious eagerness of it  
I didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole  
The wholeness was a rather luxurious idea  
Because its the halves that halve you in half  
Didn’t know  
Don’t know about the in between bits  
The gore-y bits of you  
And gore-y bits of me.”

“I like the ‘hawes zat hawe you and hawe.” He teased, and Pavel giggled. 

“It’s a bit childish,” He said, ducking his head. 

“No,” Leonard disagreed, shaking his head lightly. “No.” 

Pavel smiled softly, and turned to a new page in his journal, writing something down in his messy yet neat scrawl. He handed it to Leonard, who read it. He smiled lightly and wrote a reply, sliding it across the mattress. Pavel laughed and shook his head, leaning back.   
\--  
Leonard watched Pavel for a long time, before he edges open the door to remind himself that he had to leave, and opened his mouth. “Bye.” He whispered, still watching him caringly. 

“Bye,” The teen said, his voice just as quiet as his.   
\--  
The door shuts between them, but Pavel’s still watching him through the glass, smiling gently. 

Leonard turns to walk away, but then turns to look at Pavel one last time. 

The kid smiled brightly and fidgeted, biting his lip again. 

Leonard hardly had any control of his feet as he walked back to the door. He didn’t open it, only looked at the boy, smiled just a bit. 

Pavel looked nervous, before he put his fingertips up to the cool glass. It took Leonard a moment, but eventually he put his fingers up to his, the only thing separating them being the glass. 

The two watched each other, love in their eyes, and Leonard wondered if he could stay and watch this beautiful boy forever.   
\--  
The two became absolutely inseparable. They did everything together, from go-cart racing to walking to sitting on the beach. It all seemed incredibly easy, being with somebody like that. Or at least, Leonard thought. He had a feeling that Pavel felt just the same. 

They were both so, undeniably, _happy._


	2. Chapter 2

Pavel walked over to the door quickly, smiling brightly as his parents walked in, using the minimal English they had learned to go on and on, nearly bringing him down in a violently loving hug. 

“Oh, my Pasha!” His mother had said, hugging him tightly. 

“Hello, hello!” Pavel replied happily, laughing as he hugged his father.   
\--  
“He’s a baker.” Pavel’s mother boasted, and her husband rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t bake much.”

“Did you bring me a loaf of bread?” Pavel asked, smiling easily. 

“He did. He _did._ He packed it!” His mother said, laughing lightly. 

“You’re, you’re, you’re being, uhm, adults.” 

“Oh, for god’s sake.” 

“Alec, stop it. Zis somezing I just hawe to ask. I’m sorry, ve’re wery open in our house, and ve talk about everyzing.” 

“Oh, stop it,” 

“Ve are! You may not be but Pasha and I talk about everyzing so, it’s just somezing I hawe to say, you don’t need to be embarrassed. You are being….grown up. You are being adults?”

Pavel laughed into his wine glass, rolling his eyes. 

“You do not hawe to answer zat.” Alec says, shaking his head. Leonard nodded, more for the mother’s comfort than his own.

“Yes, good, zank you. Zat’s all I needed to know. Zat’s perfect.” 

“Leonard, do you like wodka, just to change ze subject.” 

“Yeah, I’m learnin’, Pavel’s been teaching me.”   
\--  
“Bye, drive safe.” 

“Goodbye!” Pavel’s mother called, and the parents drove off. 

Leonard waited until they're out of sight, and then Pavel’s wrapped his arms around his neck and Leonard’s got his around the kid’s waist and they’re kissing deeply, lovingly.   
\--  
“Close your eyes.” 

“Vhy?” 

“Because. Just close your eyes.” 

Pavel laughed, before covering his eyes. 

“‘Kay. Count to sixty.” 

Pavel laughed again, shaking his head, before counting.   
\--  
He gets to thirty-five when he smiled, hearing the rustling stop. “I can open zem now, I can tell you’ve brought somezing.” 

Pavel waited for an answer, but only received silence, so he opened his eyes and looked up at him. Then, he looked down. 

Sitting on the ground was a chair, made from plain wood, clearly sturdy. Pavel glanced back up and him, and smiled.   
\--  
Pavel sat down on the chair, ducking his head to hide his smile.   
\--  
“Thank you,” Pavel whispered, walking towards the man. “Thank you.” 

He leaned up, and kissed the man softly.   
\--  
“It’s my chair,” He said lightly tilting his head to accommodate the kisses going down his neck. 

“Mhm.” Leonard replied easily, looking down at the chair. “Look underneath.” 

Pavel got down on his knees and looked down under the seat, seeing the words carved into the light wood. 

**LIKE CRAZY**

Pavel sat back on his heels and looked up at the man, his smile fond.   
\--   
“It’s your first one.” Pavel had said, looking up at the man who was sitting on the ground next to the teen, nodding. 

“I love you.” Pavel whispers, his eyes not leaving the man in front of him. “Like crazy.”   
\--  
They’re laying in bed, under the warm covers, watching one another. 

“What are we gonna do after we graduate?” Leonard whispers, his lips barely moving at the tiny, breathy words.

“Ve. . . ve’ll sort somezing out.” He said gently, touching the man’s face. “Don’t zink about it now. I’ll come back and get a vork wisa.” 

“I hate that you keep havin’ to leave me.” 

“I’m not going to leave.” Pavel said, shifting his head to look at Leonard a bit better. “Promise.” 

“Okay,” Leonard whispered softly.


	3. Chapter 3

“Pasha, you’re all packed?” His mother said on the other line, babbling in fluent Russian as Pavel nodded, talking back in just as much incoherence to Leonard. 

“Yes, I just can’t believe it’s tomorrow, time’s gone so quickly.” He replied, feeling worn out. 

“Well, you certainly left us last minute.” 

“Well, it’s difficult, because I’m not going to see Leonard for the whole summer.” Pavel countered, sighing heavily. 

“Darling, I know you’re gonna miss him.” 

“Yeah, I know. I just wish I could stay a bit longer, that’s all.” 

“Darling. I told you what the lawyer said about overstaying the visa. This is important! You know that!” 

“Yeah, I know. I know. Those are the rules.” 

“We’ll get things sorted this summer, then you can go back after Sarah’s wedding.” 

“Yeah. I know. I’ll see you tomorrow, mom, I better get going.” 

“Goodbye, Pasha.”   
\--  
“Are they excited? That you’re comin’ back, and everything.” 

“Yeah. Zey can’t vait.” Pavel said, feeling monotonous. “Mozer is wery excited.” 

“I’m glad ve’re getting avay for ze night. But I’ll come back here on ze vay to ze airport.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Vhat time is it?” 

“Uh, ten thirty.” 

“Not zat much time.” Pavel said anxiously, sipping his tea. 

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” 

Pavel shook his head. “I’m not vorried.”   
\--  
Leonard had walked into their hotel room first, Pavel quick behind him. 

“Wow,” Leonard said, setting down their bags.   
\--  
“Oh,” Pavel gasped, the door barely an inch open before he stops, holding his hand. 

“What happened?” Leonard said, at the boy’s side in a flash. Pavel makes a few “ow”s, and Leonard’s eyebrows furrow. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Pavel said, his voice still dripping with pain. “I just caught my finger-” 

“Let me see.” 

“Is okay, is okay, it’s fine.” 

“C’mon, darlin.’”

“Zey’re is nozing to see I just hit it I caught it in zat,” Pavel said, shaking his head. 

Leonard takes his hand, moving his injured finger to his lips. “There. That feel better?” He asked. 

Pavel didn’t smile, only crossed his arms and lean them on the balcony. 

Leonard couldn't do much more, and he knew that, so he just walked down the balcony a little further and leaned forward.   
\--  
Leonard could tell something was different. Something painfully _off_ about the two of them. 

He’d thought about it there, sitting on a wall with Pavel, in sad, uncomfortable silence. He’d tried to make light conversation for a while, tried to joke, but nothing seemed to work, and Pavel simply read on, ignoring him. 

Finally, he spoke up again. “Saved a cat from a tree one time.” 

And Pavel looked up and smiled fondly, closing his book. 

Leonard leaned his head back, still watching him. “I love you.” 

The boy sniffles and leans forward, before pulling the older man in, kissing him easily. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Leonard says, never hesitating as his arms wrap around Pavel. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”  
\--  
They sat in the bath together, bubbles obscuring their movements, though they didn’t move much. Only looked at each other. 

Pavel splashes him lightly, and Leonard raises an eyebrow before reiterating, laughing lightly before he, too, was splashed.   
\--  
They were in bed, when Leonard handed him the long black velvet box. 

Pavel opened it and gasped softly, looking down. It was a plain, simple silver necklace, with the word _patience_ engraved on the back. 

“Zat’s wery nice.” He said softly, and Leonard swears the boy’s near tears. 

“Zank you.” He whispers quietly, fastening the thing onto his wrist. Then Pavel got up and walked off, returning moments later with a journal. He handed it to Leonard, who felt just as sad as Pavel looked as he opened it. 

_If I  
Could Compress   
All of  
our past year  
into one   
notebook it  
would be,_

Leonard turned the page, the paper making a barely-there sound. 

_A Book of Love_

Leonard’s eyes were watery when he turned the pages, looking at all the pictures, the letters, the little things that Pavel had added in. It was perfect. In every single possible way. He wouldn’t let himself cry.   
\--  
When Leonard woke up, he felt hands in his hair and opened his eyes. They went slightly wider before looking up, trying to find the time. 

“Leonard,” The teen whispered, bringing the man’s face up to look at him. “I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna stay. For ze summer.” 

“Pavel, listen to me,” Leonard said, shaking his head. “As good as that sounds, I get it. You can’t do that.” 

“Vhy?” Pavel asked, looking more like a kicked puppy every second. 

“Your visa.” 

Pavel shook his head softly. “I can’t go back to Russia. And ve don’t hawe to be sad.” Pavel said, stroking his cheek. 

“Ve’d have so much fun,” Pavel whispered, and he sounds so desperate Leonard wanted to yell and scream and cry and laugh all at once. “Vith nozing to do, ve can stay in bed all summer.”

Leonard sighed, glancing up at the kid before shaking his head lightly. “Alright.” He said, and Pavel laughed softly, watching as Leonard leaned up and kissed his neck, pulling him down onto the pillows with him.   
\--  
They spent the entire summer in bed. And neither one had ever been happier.


	4. Chapter 4

One morning, after Pavel had left for a family member’s wedding, Leonard woke up to his phone buzzing. He leaned over and looked down at the phone, squinting at the message. 

_Just landed. Those were the longest seven days ever. Just going through customs._  
\--  
“Please state your reason for entering the country,” The woman in customs asked Pavel, looking at him as if he was some sort of insect. 

“Oh, I’m going to be on holiday.” 

“Where will you be staying?” 

“In Santa Monica.” 

The woman typed something out on her computer, before turning back to the teen. “It seems you violated your prior visa. Were you aware of that?” 

Pavel looked down a bit. “Uh, but I’m trawelling as a tourist. This time.”

“Wait right here.” The woman said, before getting up and walking off.   
\--  
When Leonard’s phone rings, he’s about to walk into the airport. He opens his phone and puts it to his ear. “Hello?” 

“Hey, Leonard, it’s me.” 

“Pavel, what’s the matter?” He asked, hearing the distress in his voice. 

“I vent to give her my passport and she vas asking about the wisa, and she-”

“What?”

“It’s-I’m not gonna be able to come through.” Pavel said, his voice breaking. 

“Where are you right now?”  
\--  
“Hi, Leonard, it’s Pavel, I’m sorry I missed ze call again. I guess, it’s been pretty busy here. Are you around at about seven today? So, that’d be five, no six AM for you? I can’t believe I missed you again. Vell, let’s try for later.”   
\--  
“Hey, uhh, look I’m gonna head to bed. Maybe we can try tomorrow, I know you said you had a thing for the magazine, but, I’m just really tired.”   
\--  
“He wants it first week of June, so I think we can push it back to around June tenth. He’s fine, he’s just getting into the whole redesign thing.” 

“And then are you going to the UK?” 

“What? No, we agreed not to…” 

“You guys could just be friends.”

Leonard nods softly. “Yeah.”   
\--  
“Hey,” Pavel says, not bothering to speak in Russian. Most of his friends were international, and English was their only common language. “How are you guys?” Pavel asked, sitting down at the table with them. 

“You took so long!” 

“Oh, I know. Ewerytime I’m about to walk out the door, she gives me about four more zings to do.”

“Black vodka, please.” He orders, smiling lightly.   
\--  
“I know, but it’s so hard, vhen you get started on somezing once you’re in your job, it’s just impossible.” 

“Yes,” Khan agrees, nodding lightly.   
\--  
“Do you travel?” 

“Yeah, I spent some time in America, vhen I vas studying,” Pavel says. His words are slurred, drunk beyond remembering.


	5. Chapter 5

Pavel walks into his flat and toed off his shoes and coat, not even bothering to change out of his t-shirt and jeans before climbing into bed, curling up and sighing gently. 

Then, his phone rings. 

He sits up and looks at the number for a long while, considering just letting it go, but then his mind clears and he picks it up, shaking his head. “Hey,” 

“Pavel?” Leonard says on the other line, his voice clearly hopeful. 

“Hey,” Pavel says again. 

“Hey, how’re you?” 

“Uhm,” Pavel starts, scrambling for his words. “I’m okay, yes, I just… it was a bit of a shock. How’s everyzing going?” 

Leonard doesn’t reply for a moment. “I moved into a new place.” 

“Yeah?” Pavel asks, and Leonard can tell he’s on the verge of tears. “Zat’s great. Zat’s really good.”

“So, what’ve you been doing?”

“I’m just vorking really hard, and I’m busy, and stuff’s going vell.” 

“That’s great. 

“It’s nice to hear your voice. I’m so sorry I woke you up.” Leonard adds. 

“Okay, vell, I’d better go. It’s getting late.” 

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later okay?” 

“Alright, bye Leonard.” 

“Bye.” 

Pavel hangs up and curls into his pillows, trying to control the tears pooling in his eyes. Eventually, he can’t, and they come.   
\--  
Leonard’s sitting at a table outside, holding his phone in both hands, as if waiting for something. He doesn’t know what. Then, his phone rings again. 

He’s answered it in a second. “Hello?” 

“Hey,” Pavel says, his voice broken. 

“Hey,” Leonard says carefully, his own voice slightly unsteady. 

Pavel gives a sob, and tries to find the right words. “Hey, do you vant to come ower?” He said, laughing softly at the ridiculousness of it. “Come over now?”

Leonard laughs softly. “Yeah.” 

Pavel’s bubbling laugh reaches him through the phone, and his heart melts. “Okay.” 

Leonard sniffles, willing his tears to leave. “Yeah, I’ll see you in half and hour. Just kidding, a couple days, but I’ll get there, okay?” 

Pavel laughs, falling onto his back. “Okay.”   
\--  
Pavel pulls Leonard onto him, laughing uncontrollably now. 

He kisses the teen’s neck, and Pavel only laughs more, looking up at him. Leonard catches his lips in a warm, welcoming kiss that makes Pavel want to sob and laugh at the very same time. He doesn’t do either, though, because he’s got to be strong, for Leonard, and for himself. So he just kisses the man desperately, like he was his air and he was being taken from him.   
\--  
“What’ve you been doing?” Leonard asks, holding Pavel on the bed still, smiling. 

Pavel smiles and sits up, playing with the man’s hair. “Vaiting for you.” 

“Have you been sleeping with loads of people?” 

“Yeah.” Pavel answers without a beat, smiling to indicate he was joking. Leonard doesn’t say anything.   
\--  
“And, ve have to go see my parents,” 

“Yeah, ‘course.” 

“Ve should only do wery Russian things.” 

“Yeah. Let’s drink vodka at six in the morning.” Leonard says. 

“Yes.” Pavel whispers, smiling brightly.   
\--  
“Have you?” Leonard asks again, his tone serious. 

Pavel doesn’t reply, and Leonard buries his face in the comforter.   
\--  
“Have you?” Pavel asks, laying on his back. Leonard’s next to him, on his stomach, his face hidden by his arms. 

He doesn’t reply, either.   
\--  
“Let’s not talk about zat,” Pavel says, stroking the man’s dark hair gently. 

“Just tell me.” 

“Not yet.”   
\--  
“Have you?” 

“I said maybe.” Leonard mumbled, his voice obscured by the blankets and his arms.   
\--  
Pavel gives a tiny, distressed whine, before rolling over and manually lifting up his arm, shuffling so his head was under it, leaning on Leonard’s chest. “I don’t vant to talk about it.” 

Eventually, Leonard wraps his arms completely around the boy. “You’re right. You’re right. That was stupid.” He said, rolling over and looking down at Pavel. 

Pavel nods, his slight smile back. Leonard kisses Pavel, and he lets him.   
\--  
The buzzer goes off, and Pavel slips out of bed to go answer it, smiling lightly. 

He glances out the peephole, and raises an eyebrow. “It’s a man.” He whispered. 

“It’s a man?” Leonard replies. 

Pavel opens the door, biting his lip. “Hello.”

“Hello, I have a delivery for you?” The man says in Russian, pushing a large box into the flat. 

“Oh, wow.” Pavel says, smiling as he steps back to accompany the large box.   
\--  
“Do you know anyzing about zis?” Pavel asks, tapping the box with his finger lightly. 

Leonard shook his head. “No.” He says, shrugging lightly. 

Pavel wrestles open the box and glances up at Leonard, his face alight with excitement. He made a surprised noise and nearly bounces as he drags Leonard to help him get the wooden chair out of the huge box. 

They manage to get it out easily enough, and Pavel laughs. “Oh, it’s my chair!” He says, nearly squealing with excitement as he pulls off the wrappings and pushes his old chair away from his desk, moving the sturdy wooden chair into its place.


	6. Chapter 6

Leonard opens the journal, reading the very first page and smiling lightly. 

_To you who made me see things  
I could never see alone. _

There’s a knock at the door, and Pavel smiles lightly at Leonard before moving to answer it, running a hand through his hair. 

“Hello, Pavel.” Khan says, handing him the waffle maker he’d borrowed. 

“Oh. Zank you. Vas it useful?” 

“Very, yeah.” 

“Did you have a nice ewening?” 

“Yes, she burnt the meal again. I know.” 

Pavel laughs quietly, shaking his head. 

“Okay, I vill see you soon. Bye, Khan.” Pavel says, shutting the door and setting down the waffle maker.   
\--  
“Hello!” One of Pavel’s friends, Sulu, says, hugging the Russian boy easily. 

“Hello, Leonard, I’m Nyota.” The woman says, smiling kindly at him. 

The three of them talk, and Leonard can’t seem to get a word in edgewise. It shouldn’t bother him, and it wouldn’t in any other situation, but it reminds him. Reminds him how so far apart their two worlds are now, and it reminds him that they, as people, were so, _so_ far apart, too far apart to do what they were trying to do.

No wonder it wasn’t working. And it made Leonard sad. 

It made him so, undeniably, unbelievably _scared._ he didn’t want to lose Pavel. He loves him, damn it, and he wants to do whatever he has to for it.   
\--  
“Ah, hello!” Pavel said, hugging his mother while Leonard shook hands with his father, smiling lightly. 

“It’s nice to see you again.” He said, nodding.   
\--  
“It’s such a pity you have to go back.” 

“Yeah, I wish I could stay longer, I do.” 

“Vell, it vould be so much easier if ze whole immigration zing vas sorted out.” 

“Vell, vhy not go for a simpler solution?” 

“Alec,” Pavel’s mother says, shaking her head. 

“If you two got married. It’d save you a lot of money.” 

“Alec!”   
\--  
“I just feel weird.” Leonard says one day, walking down the street. 

“Vhy do you feel weird?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“You feel veird...I hate it vhen you say you feel veird.”  
\--  
“Vhy?” Pavel asks gently, and Leonard sighs. They’re laying in the tall grass, Leonard’s head in his lap. 

Leonard huffs out a sigh. “Because I don’t feel like I’m actually a part of your life, I feel like I’m just a vacation.

“I don’t know, that’s just how it feels and...I don’t know. Just feels weird. Sometimes.” 

“Vell, it’d be easier if it felt like, you could see ozer people. Vhen, ve’re not togezer.” 

Leonard takes a moment to respond. “Is that what you wanna do?” 

Pavel shakes his head, looking more like a kicked puppy than a person. 

“Then why did you bring it up?” 

“Because, I don’t vant you to feel like you’re not liwing your life right. Vhen ve’re not togezer.” 

“Are you attracted to other people?” 

Pavel looked down. “No, I’m not attracted to ozer-”

“Why did you have to think about that?” 

“Because it’s a silly question.” 

“No, it’s obviously not a silly question if you have to think about it,” Leonard said, sitting up. 

Pavel reached out a hand, rubbing Leonard’s shoulder comfortingly. “I didn’t mean it like zat, I didn’t mean...zat I’m attracted to ozer people I just mean, it’s hard to keep stopping and starting.

“And I’m sorry about my dad mentioning zat zing. That obviously disturbs you in some way.” 

Leonard leans over and touches his face, sighing gently.   
\--  
They sit on the train across from one another and stare, taking each other in, knowing they won’t be able to see each other for such a long time. So they simply stare. Not talking, not listening, just staring. It’s painful, so painful, but they know it’s the only choice they have. 

It hurts.


	7. Chapter 7

“Do you want your jeans ironed?” A voice says from the loft, and Leonard snaps out of his daze to look up.

“What?” 

“Your jeans, do you want me to iron them?” Carol asks, peering down at him from the loft. 

“Uhh, sure.” He says, shrugging lightly.   
\--  
The phone’s ringing, and the blonde woman dashes down the stairs in one of Leonard’s t-shirts, picking it up. “Leonard McCoy, this is Carol.”   
\--  
“Yellow, red, orange, different shades of orange-hey, Pavel, could you get the phone?”

The woman walks over to her desk, not looking at Leonard. “Leonard McCoy, this is Carol.”   
\--  
“You’re mad at me for some reason.” Leonard says, not looking up. 

“What? No.” Carol says, wrapping an arm around his neck. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes. Why would I be mad?” 

“What happened today, it didn’t upset you?” 

“It was just a mistake.” 

“I’m sorry.” He says, leaning his head on her shoulder. 

“It’s okay.” She says, laughing when he kissed her neck. 

“Are we gonna go out tonight?” 

“Yes. Do you want to?” 

Leonard nods lightly.   
\--  
It’s one when he gets the first text from Pavel. 

_Can you call me?_

Leonard stares at it for a moment, before shaking his head lightly and shoving his phone back into his pocket.   
\--  
At two, he gets another. 

_I really need to talk to you._

Leonard glances up where Carol’s standing, and drops his phone back into his pocket.   
\--  
At three, he gets a new text. 

_Please don’t ignore me._

And damn it, he can _hear_ the desperation, the pleading, in this single text, and he knows he has to help.


	8. Chapter 8

“Pavel, I-”

“I just have to say one zing, and it’s really important zat you just listen to me.

“It just...it doesn’t feel like zis zing, is going to go away. It’s alvays zere. I can’t get on with my life.” 

“We agreed.” Leonard says. 

“I know, Leonard, but ze zings zat ve hawe vith each ozer, zat I don’t have vith anybody else. Vith any other human being apart from you.

“Ve should be vith each ozer. And I feel it so strongly, and I feel...like it’s right for us to get married.” 

Leonard paces the alley for a moment, not sure what to say. Then he sees Carol. 

“Zat’s our only option, now. I don’t have regret about us. Vhen ve can make zis vork, and if ve can do zat, I spoke to ze laywer, and he said it’ll only take six months, and zen I can come back.

“And zen ve can be together.” 

Leonard hears it again. The desperation, the hope, all mixed into on poisonous concoction that Leonard is being forced to drink. 

“So, vill you just zink about it, for us? Just come for a few days, and zen, ve can make zis vork.”   
\--  
They’re sitting on the couch now, Carol holding Leonard’s hand tightly, as if she knew what was coming. Hell, she probably did. 

“I know you talked to her.”

Leonard doesn’t reply for a moment. “Yeah.” He whispers. 

“Yeah.” She whispers back.

“C’mere.” He said, pulling her to his chest. “You’re such a nice, caring, giving human being, and, it’s not fair for you to experience things, and be with someone who isn’t fully there for you.” 

He can feel tears wet his shirt. 

“And I’m sorry, I have to go to Moscow, I’m sorry.” He whispers the last part, and Carol covers her face with her hand. 

“I’m so sorry, Carol.” 

She uncovers her face after a moment, sniffling, before she speaks in a cracked, broken voice. 

“I love you.” 

Leonard can’t reply. All he can say is what’s already been said. 

“I’m sorry, Carol.” 

She sits up after a moment and stands, walking down the stairs and out the door.   
\--

“I do solemnly declare, that I know not of any lawful impediment, why I, Leonard Horatio McCoy, may not be joined in matrimony, to Pavel Andrievich Chekov.

“I give you this ring,”  
\--  
“As a token of my love and affection.” Pavel says, smiling lightly as he slides the ring onto the man’s finger. 

“And remembering this day, I vill not allow any- sorry,-anyzing, to destroy ze feeling that ve share for each other.”   
\--  
“And let it be the feeling of love and joy-” 

“Alvays.” 

“You are now married.” 

Leonard leans over and kisses Pavel deeply, his arms finding their way to his waist.


	9. Chapter 9

“Oh, it’s huge!” Pavel said, looking around the huge honeymoon suite. He spun around, laughing quietly.   
\--  
“Ve have to vait, patiently.” Pavel says, pulling away from the kiss.

“For six months?” 

“I hate six months.”   
\--  
They’re standing in the airport now, staring at each other. Not talking, like before, just looking. 

Leonard smiles sadly, and Pavel tries to return the gesture, but his lip is quivering, and his eyes are full of tears. 

Leonard tries again to smile, but now _his_ eyes are filled with tears. He gives a shaky breath. 

“Ah, you’re killing me.” He says, leaning down to kiss the younger man desperately, like he was air. 

“Bye.” Leonard says softly, turning towards the lifts. 

“Bye,” Pavel says, his voice tiny and crystal as he wiped his eyes. 

Pavel will wait for him.

He always will.  
\--  
When he does come back, Pavel surges forward, already there, and Leonard drops his bag in exchange for Pavel, kissing him as if he hadn’t seen him in ten years. In all fairness, that’s what it felt like. 

They kiss all the way to the cab, laughing in between.   
\--  
“Alright, Leonard, and, uhm, is it Povel?” 

“Pavel.” The boy corrects. 

“Right, well, I see a lot of good documentation, I’ve looked over some of it-”

“Sorry, I forgot-zey’re-” 

“Books?” 

“Just books, and a record of our relationship since ve first met. Zat I produced each year.” 

The woman behind the desk nods, picking them up. “Oh. I see. Here is your marriage certificate. I know that you got married here, in Moscow, just a few months ago, yes?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, I want to tell you that I don’t doubt the authenticity of your relationship. However, what is that issue that I see here, four, is it, appeals? These are the official documents, dealing with the violation of the student visa and this imposed a ban, and that, unfortunately, is the reason I cannot process your submission for marriage license, nor can I lift the ban.”

They argue with the woman for a while, but it does no good.


	10. Chapter 10

They’re walking around a market, Pavel looking at some things and then turning away, not speaking. Leonard doesn’t, either, just trails along. 

And then, when Pavel turns around, Leonard is gone. 

He searches for a long while, his head swinging as he tried to search every possible place for Leonard. 

Finally, he finds him sitting down on a bench. 

“Vhere’d you go?” 

“Where did you go?” Leonard asks, looking up at the boy. 

“Vhy did you just valk off?” 

“I didn’t, I wanted to look at something, and when I turned around you were gone.” 

“Vhy didn’t you just say?” 

“Whatever, what do you wanna do?” 

“I don’t know, I’m wery tired.”

“Yeah, so am I. So, do you want to go, or what?” 

“Do you vant to get somezing to eat?” 

“Sure. Actually, I’m not that hungry anymore.

“Ve don’t have to.” Pavel says, shrugging.   
\--  
“Do you wanna eat?” Leonard asks, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Pavel shrugs. 

“What does that mean?” 

Pavel sighs, walking off.   
\--  
It’s quiet in the flat for a long time, and then Pavel speaks. 

“Is it vorth talking about you moving to Moscow? Again.” Pavel adds softly.

“Maybe.”

“I mean, you could design furniture here.” 

“Yeah.” Leonard says, turning to look at Pavel. “Absolutely. It’d be difficult, but yeah.”   
\--  
“Who are you texting?” Pavel asks, cutting the carrots easily. 

“Just work,” Leonard says, ignoring the texts from Carol that are less than official and typed out his own message, sending it off before standing and kissing Pavel’s curls gently, before walking off for the bathroom.  
\--  
Pavel walked over and glanced at the man’s phone, reading over the texts. He heard the toilet flush and hurriedly walked back towards the cutting board, swallowing nervously, like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. 

“So, you’re wery close to your vork colleagues.” Pavel says softly, not looking up. 

Leonard shrugs lightly. “What does that mean?” He asked, sitting back down. 

“Vhy didn’t you tell me zat zere vas still somezing between you and her?” 

“Why are you reading my phone?” Leonard counters. 

“I didn’t go through your phone, I valked ower zere, and your messages vere out.” Pavel replies, turning back to the vegetables. “It’s not zat hard to figure-” 

“My messages were out?” Leonard said, tilting his head. 

“Yeah, I could see zem. Don’t hawe to be Einstein. Just tell me vhat’s happening between you and her.” 

“There’s nothing happening.” 

“Vhy didn’t you just tell me, Leonard?” 

“I told you, there is nothing happening. 

“Vhat vas ze inwolvement in somezing vith zis person?” 

“I am _not_ involved with anything.” 

“You’re not involved in anything vith zis person, zere’s nozing.” 

“No, there isn’t.” 

“Zat’s a lie.” Pavel says, crossing his arms over his chest.   
\--  
“Please don’t go through my phone. It’s just gonna make you paranoid.” 

“Vhy didn’t you tell me zat zere vas still a zing, like between you?” 

“There is no thing between me and her!” 

“Zere obwiously is a zing between you and her!” 

“No, there is no thing!” 

Pavel bites his lip. “Zere clearly is a zing, I just read your text messages!” 

“Well, you shouldn’t have even-” 

“Don’t yell, don’t yell.” 

“You shouldn’t be reading my text messages.”

“Vhy did you just shout at me?” 

“I’m sorry that I shouted at you.”

“Don’t raise your voice at me. People are going to come around if you keep shouting.” 

Leonard rolls his eyes, and Pavel pouts. “It’s wery important if people come around!” 

“Who’s gonna come around, Khan?” Leonard counters, leaning forward. 

Pavel shakes his head, and doesn’t reply as he cuts the vegetables.

“Did you sleep with him? Tell me.” Leonard said, standing up and coming up next to the boy. “Tell me!” 

“Don’t touch me!” Pavel said, trying to shake the man off. 

“Did you sleep with him, yes or no?” Leonard yelled. 

“Leonard, don’t.” 

“Leonard don’t what? Did you, yes or no, it’s very simple. Simple question, simple answer. Did you sleep with Khan?

“Did you?” 

Pavel doesn’t reply, and Leonard sits down. “I’m not answering your questions.” 

“Why can’t you look me in the eye and tell me?” Leonard asks, and Pavel just shakes his head. “Look at me and tell me!” 

“Don’t yell.” Pavel says, turning slightly. 

“I’ll yell if I wanna yell, damn it.” 

“No, you won’t yell, you von’t yell in my house.” 

“Alright, then I’ll go back to my house!” 

“Yeah,” Pavel says, looking down. 

“I’d love to go back to my house! I’d love to-” 

“Vhy are you shouting at me?” Pavel yells, turning back. 

“Because you don’t just say things like that to me! I’ll go back to my house! Carol will fucking be there!” 

Pavel drops the knife on the counter and turns, walking away. 

Leonard leans back in his chair. He knows what he did, but it’s too late.


	11. Chapter 11

Months go by. When Pavel rushes into the kitchen, Khan’s there, reading the paper and sipping a cup of tea. 

“Morning, is this mine?” Pavel asks, picking up the cup of tea. 

Khan kisses him goodbye, and Pavel returns it.   
\--  
Leonard pays the man standing behind the counter and passes the ice cream to Carol, who takes it and smirks.

They walk along the sea, laughing and talking. 

Leonard wishes he was happy. He really did.   
\--  
“Hey,” Pavel says, smiling lightly as he shut the door behind him. 

“Hello,” Khan says, lounging on his chair, looking up at the boy. 

“How’re you?” 

“I’m alright.” 

Pavel laughs, stepping closer. 

“Got a little job promotion.” Pavel says, smiling when Khan smiles. “Really? About time!”   
\--  
Pavel kisses the larger man desperately, only breaking it to let the man unbutton his shirt and take off his belt before he was back on him, kissing the boy intensely, hardly noticing the plain silver bracelet come off. 

Eventually, he did. 

“My bracelet, vhere is it?” The boy gasped, looking around, his tone so panicked Khan didn’t have much a choice to help. 

“Here.” He said, handing him the two pieces of silver. 

“Oh,” He says, his voice soft. “It’s broken.” 

“Are you alright?” Khan asks, and Pavel nods. He set the pieces on the bedside table, before falling back into Khan’s touch.   
\--  
One morning, Pavel sends a text, to Leonard. They hadn’t spoken since the fight, and Pavel was anxious about everything.   
\--  
 _Hi._

For some reason, Leonard had gotten up at this ungodly hour for a text that had just one word. It didn’t matter, though, because he felt his stomach do a strange flip, and he hardly hesitated before he typed something back.   
\--  
Pavel looked down at his phone, biting his lip lightly. 

_Hi._

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting.   
\--  
 _Good news, just made junior editor._ That’s great. Congrats, kid. 

Pavel smiles gently, trying to figure out what to type.   
\--  
 _I miss you._

Leonard stared for a minute, before starting to type out a reply, the same exact words, but shook his head and delete it.   
\--  
“So, I’ve got the approval letter in my hand. I spoke with everybody, you’d got everything you need. The ban’s been lifted.” The lawyer says over the phone, and Pavel had no clue what to say other than a tiny “Thank you.” 

What now? Did Leonard even remember him anymore? Was he just some distant memory in a journal tucked away in a box? Was he happy with that girl? Did he even care about him now?   
\--  
“Open your eyes now.” 

Pavel did as he was asked, looking down. 

A new chair. A stiff, formal, stylish chair. 

“It’s, wery stylish. Vhere’d you put ze ozer one?” 

“It’s in the closet.” Khan says. 

“It’s lovely. Zank you.”   
\--  
“Ve should play a game.” 

“Sure, just before, I have something to say.” Khan says, leaning over and picking up a tiny, black velvet box. 

“You’re beautiful, intelligent, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Khan says, opening the box to reveal a ring. “Will you marry me?”


	12. Chapter 12

Khan waits around for an answer. Waits for days. Pavel doesn’t speak, until one day it’s just him waiting, and he gathers his coat and goes.   
\--  
Carol goes, too. Leonard supposes he’ll miss her. She was all the things he told her she was; beautiful, intelligent, lively. But he had a broken picture to fix, and she just wasn’t a part of it.   
\--  
Leonard’s nervous. He’s more nervous than he’s ever felt, but here he is, leaning against his car with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, ready to fix what he broke. 

Soon enough, Pavel steps out the door, and Leonard’s there, wrapping his arms around him. Something’s different though, the way it is. It isn’t the way they used to hug, like they needed to hold onto each other of they would be cruelly ripped apart. Now, they hugged as if they had all the time in the world. 

Like they weren’t in love. 

“I’ll get your bags. These are for you.” Leonard says, watching the way Pavel’s face lights up as he looks at the flowers. 

It doesn’t light up as much as it did, before that, and Leonard wants to crumble. But he doesn’t.   
\--  
In the car, Pavel take’s Leonard’s hand. They fit together perfectly, like they always did, and the silence is comfortable.   
\--  
“Oh, wow.” Pavel says, looking around the loft. “Ve should put zese in a-”

“Yeah, yeah, let me do that.” Leonard says, gently taking the flowers from her. 

“Here, we should have a drink.” Leonard says, picking up a bottle of vodka. Pavel gasped, nodding. 

“Wow. I haven’t drank for ages,” He says, picking up the bottle and looking at it. 

“Really?” 

“Vell, not zis.” Pavel said, shrugging. 

“What have you been drinking?” 

“Not much. Trying to be healthy. Not drink as much.” 

Pavel takes one sip, and flinches, turning away.   
\--  
“Market research assistant post. Doesn’t look zat cool.” 

“What about in a magazine?” 

Pavel bit his lip, before standing. “I think I might take a shower.” 

Leonard nods, setting down his pencil. “Okay. I’ll take one with you.” 

Pavel smiles lightly, nodding. “Alright.” He agrees, turning away.   
\--  
“Oh, zat’s nice.” Pavel says, wetting his blonde curls in the warm water. 

They watch each other for a short moment, before Leonard leans down and kisses Pavel gently, like he’s an fickle animal that could run at any moment. 

But he kisses back, if only for a moment, before running his hands against the man’s chest, looking down. 

And then he pulls Leonard against him, wrapping his arms around the man as his arms find their way around Pavel, facing separate ways. 

And Pavel remembers. 

He remembers in college, when they had just begun dating, when Leonard was the sky and the stars all in one. When they were young, and romantic, and when he built him a chair and he wrote him books. He remembers, and he wants it back. 

Leonard remembers, too. 

He remembers when Pavel liked vodka and smiled and read him poems that weren’t childish at all. He remembers when they acted childish and when he got his vows wrong at their wedding and when they kissed on their honeymoon. When he overstayed his visa so they could stay in bed all summer, and he remembers what felt like decades ago when he loved him. 

And he holds Pavel tighter because he wants that back, he wants the boy he fell in love with _so badly,_ but they’re not the same anymore, and they both know it. 

And it _hurts._


End file.
